I'm Not Broken
by Kayseetwin
Summary: Jess comes home from the war to find Rob smooching on another girl. First person POV of what happened in book 5. It's a lot better than the summary leads you to believe.
1. I'm Not Broken

Hey all! First attempt at a fic, so gimme a break. Please please review! It would mean the world to me!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Just a brief explanation. This is the time between books four and five. They talk about it in the book but they don't go into first person POV. So that's what I'm gonna do. This is gonna have a sequel too so please check back soon! I may even do a Rob's POV.

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The plane smelled.

This was the thought repeating in my mind, as we soared over the rolling hills of Indiana. I couldn't think of anything except the smell.

Correction, I could think of something else. Or, more specifically, someone. But seeing as I already felt like I was going to throw up, I couldn't do that. Think of him, I mean. I knew that if I did, I would only be even more anxious to get off the plane with its horrible smell.

Him. God, it had been too long. E-mails to someone on the other side of the world were not nearly as great as being with him. Especially when that him is as cute as he was.

And by him, I mean Rob Wilkins. Otherwise known as the great love of my life. And occasionally the most annoying one. Not that I've had any other great loves. Well, there was Skip. But I didn't love him at all. He still hadn't apologized for strapping my Barbie to his rocket. So yes, Rob Wilkins was the love of my life. And I was finally going to see him. And I was finally eighteen. There was nothing stopping us. Not anymore.

I guess you're wondering why I left him, if he was the love of my life and all. It wasn't like I wanted to. It was the war. Which, for a five foot two girl with parents who could afford to pay for her college, normally wouldn't be on said girl's mind. Except I wasn't normal. Not since that day, the one that changed my life. I'm sure you've heard of me actually. I'm Lightning Girl, Jessica Mastriani. I'm the one who got psychic powers by getting hit by lightning. All because of some stupid metal bleachers and Ruth. And Jeff Day. But that was another story. Needless to say, I got powers. I could find missing people. Just like that. Well, not exactly. But a glance at a picture and a good sleep got the job done. Although there were a few exceptions. Like the time I found Claire by smelling her sweater. And Seth and his pillow. It just kind of happened. I'd wake up, and I knew where they were. And that was the issue that brought me into the war. With all the good I could do, how could I not help my country? I could find people with my "God given" talent.

Or at least I used to.

I know what you're thinking. I've said that before. A lot of times, actually, especially to the press and the FBI. But this time, I wasn't lying. It was gone. Probably due to my not being able to sleep. Due to the nightmares. Yes, nightmares. Hey, you go to war and watch people get blown up next to you and then you tell me how you sleep. Or tell me how you sleep after knowing that you're tracking down some serious bad guys. With a vendetta. And they normally don't like that being interrupted too much. Sleep doesn't come too easily after that.

But I was finally going home. And my sort of boyfriend was at home. So can you blame a girl for being a little nervous? Especially with a boy as beautiful has he was. And my god, he was beautiful. But I didn't love him just because of that. (Although it might have been a part of it.)

Rob had this thing, when we were in high school, about being all chivalrous and stuff and waiting until I was 18 to date me. Well, maybe it wasn't just chivalry. It might have been the fact that my mother pointed out to him that in the state of Indiana, an 18 year old having sexual intercourse with a minor was illegal. Not that we even were, much to my chagrin. Rob kind of freaked over that. He barely touched his food at that first (and only) family dinner he attended. I could understand. I mean, here I was, this forbidden jailbait with an overprotective mom, and he totally adored me. Well, he didn't say that in so many words. But he hinted. I think. I'm not sure exactly, seeing as it's Ruth's (my best friend) job to analyze the antics of boys, while I just remained oblivious.

There was also the issue of his probation. Don't ask me what he was on probation for. I tried finding out. I really did. He never told me. I even asked the FBI to tell me (I have a past with them) and they wouldn't tell me. Which is completely ridiculous considering how much I did for them and all.

While my thoughts swirled around Rob, my plane had landed. I stood, grabbing my carry-on and heading to the luggage carousel, knowing my family would be standing outside the airport waiting for me.

I was right, of course.

After being smothered by them all, (even Douglas), I got into the car, catching up with my brothers, Douglas and Mike, and my parents.

My fingers tapped with impatience on my leg, and when we were finally home, I was out in a flash. I threw my stuff inside hastily, then begged my parents to let me see "Ruth", whom I assumed would be at "her" work. They let me go, thank goodness. I had to see him.

I pulled out my motorcycle from the shed. Blue Beauty. I loved her with all my heart. After admiring her for a moment longer (I know I'm a freak, but I love this bike) I got on, enjoying the sound of her purr in the otherwise quiet street. I sailed down the streets I had known, turning automatically and barely paying attention to anything except getting to Rob's uncles garage. He was there, I knew from his emails, from 8-5. I'd catch him in time.

Parking my bike, I took a deep breath, and then turned the corner. Then stopped. It was him.

I started to walk towards him, until the chesty blonde (who I hadn't noticed until then, although how I missed her, I dunno, due to her head-sized boobs) threw herself at him and planted one on him.

And it was then that my heart broke.


	2. Learning to Fall

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

PS: So sorry for the delay. School is crazy hectic. I decided to make this part of a three part story arc. The third chapter will hopefully be up in a few days. Enjoy!  
PPS: PLEASE leave reviews. Nothing guilt trips me into updating than reviews. Thanks for the favorites everyone! And thanks to my wonderful twin for helping me and walking me through the whole process!

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I turned on a booted motorcycle heel quickly. Tears rolled down my face as I half-ran, half-stumbled back to where my bike was parked. I wiped at my tears angrily, ashamed at the rate they were falling, and yet unable to stop them.

So this was what heartbreak felt like.

I never really expected it to hurt this much. I thought they were exaggerating in all of the cheesy movies Ruth tried to push on me in her attempts to make me more girly.

I never expected it to feel like a thousand tiny needles shoving their way into my heart.

I turned my attention back to the road, semiconsciously swerving past cars and trying hard not to fall off the bike out of a sheer exhaustion that was now overwhelming me. When I finally got home, I stared at the pavement as if it could give me answers. Why was Rob kissing some blond bimbo? He never said anything about a girl in any of the emails I'd sent. He never did. So why didn't he tell me?

I finally regained control of my limbs and shuffled into the house in a daze, going straight for the shower, hoping that the water could drain away my memories. Yet even as steam curled around me and I could feel my skin burning and going red from the heat, I still felt numb. I replayed the scene over and over. It couldn't have happened, and yet it did. Why would he do that to me? I loved him. Sure, he never exactly said he loved me back but….

That was it. He never loved me. Or if he did, he stopped. That had to be it. That was the only way he could have gone and kissed another girl. He just stopped liking me. Or loving me. Or whatever it was.

That night as I lay curled on my bed, sleeping pills in my system so I could at least attempt to get some sleep, I knew that there was nothing I could do. Rob didn't love me. He liked girls like her now. So I'd accept that and move on. Force myself to move on rather. And it was with that final thought that the pills took hold and I slept the sweet sleep of the drugged induced variety.

That is, until the night terrors began.

Visions of the terrors I'd faced on the battlefield, bombs, men screaming in Arabic at me with detonators strapped to their chests all flashed before me. As I awoke with a scream, tears pouring from my eyes and shaking violently, Douglas flung open the door. He looked around the room in a few quick glances, assuring my safety, and then walked over to the bed and wrapped his arm around my shoulders awkwardly. My shoulders convulsed as I sobbed, and when I finally quieted down, Douglas handed me a tissue silently. I gave him a slight apologetic smile, and rubbed my eyes wearily. Without a word, he hugged me and left the room, not questioning me or probing into the terrors. I lay back down, curled into a tight ball and let sleep once again overtake me, this time not waking up.

The next morning, Douglas and my dad had already left for work. I clamored down the stairs, rubbing my puffy eyes with the back of my hand. I nodded to my mother, giving a muttered "Morning," and grabbed cereal, milk and a bowl, eating it with distaste. Since when had my parents got healthy cereal? I pouted slightly at the box, then rinsed off my plate and walked upstairs to clean myself up and tame my sleep-tousled hair. After that was done, I spent the morning cleaning up my room, organizing all my bags and situating myself.

My mom left to do the shopping, so when the door rang, I knew it wasn't her. I knew who I didn't want it to be though, and of course that was who it was.

I stared at the door for a moment, then, as fury began to rise, I opened it, staring up defiantly at the boy of my dreams, with his Indian purring in the background, and my heart faltered. My eyes burned with rage and hurt as he said one word.

"Jess."


	3. Prove Me Wrong

Yay!!! Final chapter!! Thank you all for reading this, and please leave a review.

This one was the hardest one to write because it's SO HARD to tell what Rob's thinking. So tell me what you think! I plan on doing another fic except maybe from his view. Yes or no?

PS: PLEASE review. I can't stress enough how much it makes my day. Any reviews I get normally have me beaming like a little girl for the rest of the day. So please review!

Oh! DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING.

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It always shocked me how even the way he said my name sent shivers down my spine. As I stared into those amazing eyes of his defiantly, I realized how in a flash of clarity that I wasn't coming back after this. I wouldn't be able to stay here, in this town, with this memory and this burden. I couldn't drive past his house childishly or try to convince Ruth to break her car so I'd have an excuse to see him. This would have to be the last time I talked to him. It had to be. I wouldn't survive another encounter with him. So when I spoke, anger curled through my voice like smoke, I knew what I was getting into.

Or at least I thought I did.

"Get the hell off my property," I said, my nails digging into the palms of my hands. As I saw confusion blossom onto the face that I had so carefully memorized, I felt a pang in my heart.

"Whoa, Mastriani. What's going on?" His eyes searched my face intently, then looked to my fist with a cautious look.

"You heard me. Get away from me," I snarled. My tone seemed to spark a bit of anger in him, and when he spoke, his tone was raised. "Mastriani, what are you saying? What the hell is your problem?"

I raised my chin and spat back, "You know what you did. I saw you. Have fun with the blonde. Really. I expect you'll have great fun with her. I see many dazzling conversations of wit and intelligence in your future. Maybe you can marry her, and raise her blond bimbo babies!" I swore I saw him visibly flinch at the word marry, and that confused me, until anger rushed back at me like a wave. His jaw clenched. "Jess, you don't know what you're talking about. That's Nancy. She always kisses the mechanics. I was fixing her carburetor!" There was an acidic tone to his voice, and disbelief shown in his eyes.

"Oh that's great. Kissed the mechanic? Yeah, I bet you just hated that. And all the other times I'm sure she's kissed you, hm? Did you hate it then Rob? I'll just bet you did," I said sarcastically. When he spoke again and I could hear fury in his voice, I was shocked.

"It's true Mastriani. But fine. If you don't want to believe it, that's your choice. I can't believe you don't believe me! When have I ever lied to you? Oh, that's right. Never! Jess, you know I wouldn't do that to you. You know it! Or at least you used to. This isn't you, Jess, and you know it! Besides, when have you ever run away from anything? The Jess I knew NEVER would have run away. She would have knocked Nancy out, then me." After that speech (one of the longest I've ever heard him say about me as the subject), my resolve to not cry in front of him nearly slipped. I covered it with defensiveness. "What do you mean? So I've learned some self control. Doesn't mean I didn't see you kissing another girl! It doesn't erase that fact Rob!" He shook his head in anger, as if he was trying to shake off my words. "I told you that nothing happened! And that's not self control, Jess. That's you. Something is going on with you, and it's not anything that has to do with me. I know you just came back from the war. I know you've seen some things. But this isn't you. You don't run!"

"The only thing that's changed about me is I've lost my powers. That's it. Is that the issue? Is it because I lost my powers?"

He growled in fury. I mean it. He growled. Or grunted. Or whatever that noise is that guys make when they're mad that never seems quite human.

"You know that's not it Jess. It's not me. You're broken! The war broke you. And that's fine. That's understandable! But you don't need to take it out on me Jess. You are broken! That's all there is to it."

With those words, Rob Wilkins, ex-boy of my dreams, turned on his heel to where his Indian was parked.

He didn't look back as walked away.

He didn't look back as he started the engine.

He didn't look back as he pressed on the gas.

And he didn't look back as he pulled away, the motorcycle purring condescendingly, as if it were a happy cat glad to be rid of me.

If he had looked back, he'd have seen me sink to the stairs of the porch. He'd have seen me bow my head to hide my eyes from the sight of his back to me. He might have even seen tears roll from my eyes if he deigned to look.

But he didn't.

So when I pulled out my phone, sobbing, I was alone, sitting outside my house on the stairs. My voice was mangled and truly wretched as I spoke.

"Ruth?"

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Okay. You guys know what happens after that. The next day she leaves for a flight to New York and moves in with Ruth.

Please review, and thanks again!


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